


how can one live on a flicker of light?

by Voiid_Vagabond (Saturn_the_Almighty)



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Beach Divorce, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Sad, Vignettes, X-Men: First Class (2011), soulmate identifying marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29561874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturn_the_Almighty/pseuds/Voiid_Vagabond
Summary: In another time, another place— years down the line, really— Charles Xavier will think of the name printed in a fine, looping script on the small of his back and he will weep. Now, though, sopping wet and gasping up the man whose life he just saved… well, all that comes to mind is an overflowing excitement.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	how can one live on a flicker of light?

**Author's Note:**

> Title from dialogue in the Star Trek TOS Episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion."

In another time, another place— years down the line, really— Charles Xavier will think of the name printed in a fine, looping script on the small of his back and he will  _ weep. _

Now, though, sopping wet and gasping up the man whose life he just saved… well, all that comes to mind is an overflowing excitement.

Erik is pacing back and forth on the deck of the coast guard ship and to anyone else he might look like he  _ hadn't _ almost just drowned himself.

Charles knows better. His thoughts are split between a seething anger at losing Shaw and a thumping, rhythmic panic that sounds a lot like his still-rapid heartbeat.

He can't take his eyes off Erik as he tries to get ahold of himself. The ship makes creaks and groans, no doubt Erik's gift.

"We'll help you find him," Charles tries, getting to his feet and feeling the weight of his soggy clothes as he does. "Shaw will not escape justice, I promise you that." He levels Erik with a look of determination and gets one  _ right back. _

There's a moment— it flickers by so fast— when Charles is truly floored by the fact that this man is his  _ soulmate. _

* * *

"Who's Erik?" Raven asks, kicking her feet in the sand as they walk.

It's nearing dusk and she and Charles are walking back to their car after a day spent on the beach under the sun. Charles' hand instinctively goes to pull down his tank top and cover his back.

Raven eyes him and licks the dripping juice off the popsicle she had bought. Charles lets out a breath.

"My soulmate," he answers plainly. Raven waits for him to continue.

"Some people have… well, there's someone out there who's _meant_ _for them._ Their name is written somewhere on your body, it helps you find them. People say it's who you're destined to love but not all soulmates are romantic." He stops. Raven watches as he turns to watch the sky, a vibrant shade of orange.

"Your souls are entwined. Your lives are connected, your fate, destiny, whatever… it's meant to be."

They walk back to the car and Charles starts the long drive home. He's still new to driving but it's not like anyone else would care enough to drive them to the beach.

"Are you excited? About finding Erik." Charles doesn't take his eyes off the road when she asks this. It's the first thing she's said since they got in the car.

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out."

* * *

_ "Erik, have you ever been in love?" _

_ "No. You'll be the first to know if I do." _

* * *

Charles wants nothing more than to shove his black-space bishop down Erik's throat. This is the third game they've played and he won't stop being smug about winning. His eyes shine with a kind of intensity that Charles doesn't get to see outside of their matches.

"Oh, if you weren't—” Charles bites down on his tongue. He'd almost followed up with ' _ my soulmate.' _

It's not like he  _ can't _ say it. If Charles knows… then Erik does too. They know each other's names. But that just begs the question of why Erik hasn't brought it up. There's something in the back of Charles' mind telling him that it's because Erik doesn't have Charles' name on him.

It's not unheard of. Unrequited soulmarks. Charles has done the math. He'd be the saddest kind of miracle.

Erik stares at him, a deep kind of  _ something _ settled back in his eyes. Charles can't name it, but if he had to try he'd call it anticipation.

"If I weren't what?" Erik asks, tilting his head. Charles hates how much he loves that look on him.

"My friend," he amends. "If you weren't my friend I'd have killed you by now." He says it lightheartedly. Erik smiles.

"Say that again after I beat you a third time," he dares, moving a piece and raising his eyebrows plainly. Charles focuses back on the board and lets out a quiet curse.

* * *

There's a constant pain.

Charles  _ knows that, _ it's been there ever since the beach in Cuba, two years ago. It doesn't fade unless he takes medication and even then it never lasts as long as he needs.

Sometimes he swears the name  _ burns _ like acid against his skin, right in between where the pain fades to an ache which fades to numbness. If he feels long his back for the scar he'll know his fingers rest right over the first H in Lehnsherr.

There's something terrible about the fact that a bullet tore through the name of his soulmate, redirected  _ by _ his soulmate. It tastes bitter, whatever the something is.

Charles never wants to see him again.

He wants to scratch away the letters until they bleed and he can't read the name.

He wants Erik back.

* * *

_ "Charles said that having a soulmark meant you were blessed." _

* * *

It happens on accident.

They're staying in a cheap motel on the way to yet another possible mutant team member. Charles opens the door to the tiny bathroom after showering and Erik's there, tugging a black turtleneck off. He's turned towards Charles, doesn't see him at first. Not until he yanks the fabric over his head and realizes that Charles' blue,  _ blue _ eyes are trained a little below his face.

He freezes. They're  _ both _ frozen. Trapped, paused in time. Erik knows what he sees. Right in the middle of his chest, in between ribs and across his sternum, exactly over where his heart beats blood to his body—

_ Charles Xavier _

It's in a neat script, a practiced handwriting. He loves the way the lines look on his skin, loves how they look signing a document or writing a series of notes on paper.

Charles pries his eyes away from the name and finds that he can't speak. He knew. He  _ knew  _ but now he's sure and it presses around him like nothing else he's ever felt and it's wonderful.

Erik tosses his shirt onto the bed and waits. For what? For something, a move, a breath. There's a moment where he thinks maybe,  _ maybe, _ Charles doesn't have his. But he's ridiculous.

Because Charles crosses the room then, tugging off his pajama shirt as he goes and he turns around. Erik doesn't have much time to admire  _ anything, _ really, before he finds what he's looking for.

It's his name. His writing, he knows it anywhere.

They don't speak again, that night. Not through words, oral or psychic. they explore each other with touches, breaths shared in the same space. Erik's hand covers Charles' mark as they sleep curled against one other. His heart beats a steady rhythm and Charles' own hand is on top of it and that grounds him, knowing what they share.

* * *

Erik hates waking up and not having anyone next to him. He hates having to blink the nightmares from his eyes all on his own.

_ I want you by my side. _

He keeps the bullet. It's small in his hand. Crumpled. Everything is still so new. He hates that he got used to something so good that now, after he's gone… he feels the strain of change again.

He's tired of sleeping in the helmet. It's uncomfortable but he doesn't trust Emma. He regrets breaking her out. His head aches. His chest aches. The name over his heart  _ burns like acid. _

* * *

"I once told Raven that soulmates don't have to be romantic." Charles speaks into the dark of his room. Erik is laying next to him, fingers carding through his hair gently.

"I will say, I'm  _ glad _ we are." Erik smiles to himself. He shifts, facing Charles, and kisses him sweetly.

"As am I."

* * *

_ "I have your name protecting my heart and  _ **_I couldn't protect you!"_ **

* * *

Charles sits on the bed in his room, twisting around to see behind him in the mirror he's propped up against the wall. His hands shake as he pulls up his shirt.

It's still there.

_ "Your souls are entwined. Your lives are connected, your fate, destiny, whatever… it's meant to be." _

_ Why then _ is he so sure he'll wake up one day and it'll be gone?

He'll never say he doesn't want to have a soulmate. The phrase "I wish Erik Lehnsherr wasn't my soulmate" will never pass his lips as long as he lives. For as much pain as he's been brought and still lives through, as much stress and heartache and complications… some things never change. Charles loves him.

His tears are hot as they run down his cheeks and he covers his mouth to try and muffle the sound of his heaving breaths.

* * *

There is a hole in his heart. A gap in his life. A telepath-shaped absence that no one else can fill.

_ You brought this upon yourself. _

He wants to fix it. He tries. It never quite works out.

_ He won't want to see you. _

Then he'll be better. If it takes years, decades even, to see him again? Erik will wait the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I had the vivid thought of Charles having Erik's soulmark name right where he gets shot and it _would not leave me alone_ until I wrote this. Idk if I like it that much, I might write something more in-depth if I feel like it?
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated! ♥️


End file.
